Abscond Credo

So, what is it that you will do for you?

Over this past month, I cant even begin to count how many excuses I have made.. I am very irritated with myself.. Id like to blame my heart for getting me into this internal mess. It always seems as though my heart and mind are at war when it comes to a guy.. And then the conscious me wants to find something good in that person.. And I become super persistent about doing so.. And theres my problem right there! the mere word find. You shouldnt have to find the amazing in someone.. That should be something that is expressed naturally.. Like sunshine.. 

So when someone becomes non-responsive what do we do? Do we move on? Do we wait until our questions get answered? Or do we just call it quits all together? Whose to say whats the right choice.. I guess it depends on the person and how much they’re willing to continue putting up with.. As for me. I think I may be calling it quits..

I dont expect to be your first priority.. But I also dont expect to be on your back burner and the “oh yeah” thought you have.. and if I dont know by now.. By physically writing this and reading it.. then how will I ever? It doesnt get  much more realistic than this.. and that is.. He is not the right one. And to clear things up, I dont mean eternally like I had hopes of getting married.. but hes not Mr. Right Now.. theres too many complicated elements that have gone into all of this.. 

So, friends yes. Anything else probably not. Someone always feels stronger than the other anyway and this time around it was definitely me.

So all of this said.. I AM going to be 20. I AM going to do things that 2o year olds do. I AM going to take advantage of being young and single and doing all and anything I want without any anchors holding me back. I AM going to start doing for me and not putting people who clearly dont care as much about me as I do for them, before me. 

Its my time now.

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.

p.s. Our hearts will always mislead us, and thats why we have intuition. And for all you women, our intuition is the most powerful thing we have, so listen to it.. Its usually right, straight to the point. Our hearts just like to get us into trouble. 

All she wanted was consistency.

So, I have come to notice that my all intended “Fashion Blog” has quickly turned into my vent source.. As a blog should though. I guess I just had different intentions for it.. I still plan on pursing those intentions, but I guess at this time in my life, I need to use it for something else.. 

I have never had any consistency in my life.. And if you can relate then you know how incredibly hard it is to deal with. It makes trusting anyone hard, it makes having faith in people non-existent, and it makes it hard to have any sort of emotion to any given thing for a consistent amount of time.. 

My whole life I have always had people making promises to me, and then never following through with them.. Why they made the promises in the first place? I dont know. I dont and will never understand why people say they will do something and then they never do it.. Sadly it effects me down to the simplest things now.. A good example is when someone says they want to come see me, and they are persistent about this whole thing happening, they even go as far as to set a date for it happen.. and when that day comes they just let it pass… You dont end up seeing or hearing from them until that night with some lame excuse as to “why” they couldnt make it. And for someone like me.. My eyes and heart cut through the bullshit. I know when someone is lying to me.. Ive had a lot of practice through out my life..I just dont understand why you couldnt just let me know that we would have to re-schedule or that something came up. Instead you fail to inform me at all and that doesnt sit well with me.. It never has and never will.

My parents set me up for all of this when I was young.. My mom used to fill my head with all these wonderful things that we would do together and the life I would have with her.. and one day she was gone. My pop promised me material things and never came through with them.. Thats why I now hate material objects because they have no value to me. So thanks pop for making me a non-materialistic person.. and giving me these other issues.. And it didnt make it better when my stepmom came into the picture.. Yet another person that would go on to make promises she had no intention on keeping.

You see, I am a very straight forward person, I dont beat around the bush to try and make you feel better. So I dont expect you to do the same for me. I have always preferred to tell me the truth. Even if it hurts me, that hurt will only be temporary.. I will get over it.. But now having delt with people who I cant depend on has permanently effected me.. Now its something that I have to deal with and that I have to put a guard up with people even though I dont want to.. Everyone always seems to prove me right.. You cant trust anyone. You cant have expectations for people because then you will be left disappointed. You have to expect the worst and just hope for the best.

Thank you Grandma for being the only consistent person in my life.. for ALL 20 years. I notice it.

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.

p.s I hope one day, I find a man who will make all this hurt go away, like it never existed.. someone that will make me feel the way my parents shouldve.. someone who will provide my life with consistency. Someone who will give me that hope and put my faith back into humanity..

Runaround Sue;

Oh where oh where do I even begin to start on all this word throw up thats about to up chuck..

I quit one of my jobs, got a new one. Start next week. Honestly.. it feels damn good to feel liberated from an anchor that would only continue to pull me down a poisonous well. It feels exquisite to start off fresh somewhere new and exciting. Why get stuck in a rut with people who have no ambitions and desires of something better for themselves? That certainly isnt me. I have chosen to surround myself with “go-getters” and to keep things changing so I dont get too comfortable and become lazy and forget that this is just another JOB not my career. Because yes, there is a huge difference. And seriously its sad seeing people grow old at a company that has absolutely nothing to offer them. I will not settle at 20 and i certainly dont plan on settling for anything EVER in my life if its not what I truly want.

ba da da..

School starts tomorrow. Whoo.

Update on my guy situation.. Still figuring out what this Honduran man has to offer me. Might I say how extremely freakin complicated this has all been. Mind you, its been a time span of a about a solid month. And from what I know from experience and what I have witnessed during my few short years of dealing with the bullshit that we all have to offer eachother.. I thought it would be safe to assume that when involving yourself with an older man, things should be dramatically different, or I may have been incredibly wrong and was wishing hopefully. Anywho. To the point. Its incredibly irritating when youre trying to have a conversation with someone or attempt at getting to know someone and the responses are inconsistent.. Over this segment.

Ive suddenly lost my interest in writing this blog. All I really have to say is, expect nothing, and you shall not be disappointed. 

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon. 

Until next time bloggers. 

“If I had a vagina, I would make it smell like pineapples”

Omg!! I am two decades old. I can’t express it enough how much of an amazing year it will be.  I feel it in my loins! 

So.. I woke up with lots of love and my roomie took me out to sushi for lunch which was amazing as always. and then I got a pedicure and my mustache removed. Now I am listening to pandora and letting my finger nails dry. (I went to Sally’s Beauty and got a polish called First Kiss, its a lovely color but I literally put 10 coats on, and its impossible to dry) I also plan on taking in a skirt that I wore for new years, its about a size too big and it will be my first official project on my new machine.

All in all, its been a really chill day so far, but I still have a few things that I really want to do. Hopefully not solo, thats the downside of having friends that live 90 miles away.

Badada

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.

p.s I have a birthday wish that has yet to come true.. *fingers crossed

&Once she got started;there was nostoppingher.

Happy New Year! I can’t believe that it is already 2012. End of one era and onto the next. I rang in the new year with some friends for dinner and then crashing my friends twenty-first birthday and dancing like there was no tomorrow. 

I’ve never been the type that believe in resolutions. My attitude goes more like: “If you really want to make a change, then you’ll do it tomorrow, not because now you have a “reason” to do it. Because then if you do it because you truly want to, then its genuine, and not bullshit”. So when people ask me, I always give them that little shpill. But its the truth. We are just too lazy and too much in denial to admit it. 

Anywho.

So over the last few years, I haven’t had a new years kiss.. Or one that I didn’t want from someone.. However; I am happy to report that this year was different. I got my new years kiss by the person I so desired it from. The Honduran. Over these past few weeks I’ve really started to develop a different kind of feeling for him. One that I haven’t really had for someone and let me just tell you how scary it is. but Im really trying to practice what I preach and just let go, and let fate play out the way its supposed to without trying to control every single moment. It has its negatives but it also has its very wonderful benefits.. Its so very scary. But I like it. I cant remember the last time I got butterflies just thinking about someone and then when seeing them I get all nervous and so very happy all at once. Its a great feeling. So I guess I’m sacrificing my security and putting a hold on the wall that usually flies up, and Im just letting whatever happens happen..

Such a scary thought.

Enough of that gooey shit.

I have yet to start sewing on my new machine.. But I have some projects that I have already conjured up. I am in some serious need of fabrics though, any and all. I need practice practice. And it would be perfect for this month since Ill have so much down time.. I dont plan on wasting it. 

Another important segment of this blog is that tomorrow just so happens to be my BIRTHDAY! the big TWO ZERO. honestly, its a big one for me.. Im not a big party goer or boozer so 21 is whatever.. But I feel that its going to be an epic year for me.. I can just feel it in my soul.. unlike no other feeling ever having before about something like this.. 

Well I have about 19 1/2 more hours until I get there.. So until then..

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.

p.s Let go, sometimes we hold on too tight; yes relationships are tricky and love is painful and scary, but sometimes we just have to jump in the water and just hope that we can swim. Everything will happen like its suppose to. But do wish me luck;)

&GodBlesstheHonest.

So, Merry Christmas! I am so happy that its all over. This year definitely wasn’t the best holiday for so many reasons. I can say that I got to spend time with family that I dont get to see too often because I am always so very busy. But come to find out that so much sh*t has been going down in my parents neighborhood, its pretty awful; but thats the challenges of life right? We shall prevail if we so choose too; we just have to take that first step which is most times the hardest.

Another note. I really dont like my step sister and her fiance. Biggest douche bags I know. Look, if youre in your mid-twenties, youre an adult. So when someone acknowledges your presence such as me, by ALWAYS saying hello, it would  absolutely be lovely to receive a response in return. But kid you NOT, that never happens. I always get dirty looks from them, and frankly Im done trying. Thank goodness I didnt get them anything, because I was really so close. well..  Merry Christmas fuckers!

On another note, I profited off of all the money I spent, I received a little more which is nice. So now I can go buy my Black Track Fluid Eyeliner from MAC. And I suppose Ill put the rest in savings. Sometimes Im bad at spending money. Its weird.

Oh and say hello!

The very best Christmas present that I have ever received, c/o my aunt Tawni. Much love. Oh and she also stocked me up on my favorite lipstick. Russian Red.

All in all, it was a decent holiday. Got some gifts, some money, and most importantly, some quality time with my crazy family. 

Well, back to reality. Work is summoning me.

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.

p.s My roommate got me a vibrator! I need to come up with a name for it. We’ll see how it makes me feel;)

you win some and you lose some.

Tis’ the season for giving right? well.. I like to say that I give on a daily basis so this whole “season” thing is just an excuse so people can have a dry spell of not being selfish for a month. When really you should be able to be selfish whenever you want, but then we get that whole guilty concious going and its all just a heap of stress and emotion. 

Well, if you gave more frequently, maybe it wouldnt come to you as such a surprise. Therefore you should all put your best foot forward and be more selfless.

Yeah right..

Anywho. I am currently blogging about that fact that every time i succeed at something, theres always something bad lurking around the corner. Mind you, this is literally the story of my life; so Im no longer surprised by it. Its become more of a pest than a surprise.

Example. I was viewing my classes online to see how I did, and Ive really been worried about whether I was going to pass my english class or not, well come to find out that i DID pass! and it was a glorious moment.. And then seconds later I remember where I parked my car the night before and realized I parked on the wrong side of street and during the street cleaning hours. So I quickly scurried to my car already with the notion that I had a parking ticket. So to sum the story up. I passed my classes, and sleeping in cost me $52.50.

Well it keeps the balance consistent and that we always need to remain humble. This time around I’m okay with it. I do work hard for my money, but knowing me, I would probably blow that $52.50 on Chipotle, or some stupid shit. So it goes to the city I live in. And I probably owe it anyways just because of how clumsy I am sometimes when it comes to other peoples cars.

Anyway, the dues you pay to life are inevitable, and they CANNOT have my spirit.

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.

p.s. you have no idea how much I love Chipotle. *gotdammit.

Where has time gone?

So, I realize that its been a while since I’ve updated my profile and as I previously mentioned in my last post which was centuries ago, I made a promise that I would make an effort to update my blog consistently. Whoa is me.

In my defense(my infamous excuses); I’ve been extremely busy. Between both jobs right now and fall semester coming to a close, I haven’t found much time just for myself, let alone fashion. Its actually quite sad when your guy friends remind you that you need to find a hobby, when I really I have plenty, I just lack the time to be able to commit myself fully to them. 

On the brighter note, I have decided to switch my major to Business, because it is the more logical route in pursing my fashion designing, personal dressing, shop owning ambitions. And might I say that I am really rather excited about it all.

Now for something thats more unfortunate than not, In the upcoming month I will have to say goodbye to the car that Ive been using for the past year which so happens to belong to my stepmothers side of the family, and say hello to the bus. Now, if you know me, you know that I do not mind public transportation at all, I actually prefer to hop on lightrail or even walking is good with me. But unfortunately this all doesnt work out too well with both jobs. Therefore I will have to quit one for a month until my parents give me some money for a new one, which they go on to say will be in February, but who knows with them.. could be a month could be five.. perhaps a year.

I love “family” and all, but sometimes its hard to trust anyone, especially if they’ve created a bad track record for themselves. 

Moving forward, I have indulged myself in lust lately (only with one person). Honestly, I’ve never been the clingy type, so its more of a business transaction for me; story of my life. but sometimes we all need a little TLC right? And I really just dont have the patience. Im a “first impression makes the difference” kinda gal, so dont show your ass and not expect it to be burned. Oh and over this past month and a half, I’ve had my eye on this very handsome mysterious honduran. He’s exciting and hard to figure out, thats definitely my cup of tea. And I certainly have all the intentions in the world to make he+I=something. Im a hopeless romantic at times but whats love got to do with it?

Wow, what a whore.

Back to why I created this blog in the first place. 

It is almost officially winter, oh and Christmas ( I’m a big fat grinch this year). Back to it being winter. Fashion is buzzing so hard. Layers upon layers. Beanies and scarves. Peacoats and boots to your knees. Stalkings and gloves. All of the above are my favorite part of the fashion season. I really enjoy being able to layer up with all kinds of patterns and silhouettes. And like I’ve mentioned before, I la la la la love dark colors and all of the nail polishes as well. Blacks, burgandies, violets, and rich reds. And everything else fashion. Fingers are crossed that some generous person will be getting me a sewing machines this year. 

No pictures today..”/ Running on fumes. 

Until next time.

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.

P.S Lets try and stay focused about what this holiday is about. Its not a competition on who can spend the most money. Its about the memories you make with those who you love.

All of the Lights.

Sometimes the hardest thing about growing up is the ones that you lose along the way. And I dont mean by or because of death. What I mean is how people change. Its like you become non-existent in their lives when they mean so much to you. It hurts a little.

And the same thing always seems to happen.. Time will pass and then somehow there will be some reconciliation, but Im done with that. Im done with being the nice girl. Always the one to keep a connection and then you pick and choose when you want to be there and when you dont. Its never been cool and its being put to an end.

Now I know that over the years we all change, inevitably. Whether it be for the better or the worst.. We all do. And to feel like you have to stop caring about them because they stopped caring about you.. And to be ignored and put on the backburner is something that Im all too familiar with.

Shame on me though. Shame on me for caring so very much. Shame on me for being a friend thats scarce to find. Shame on me for always picking up my phone at 3 am to comfort you when you were freaking out or just couldnt sleep. Shame on me for going out of my way simply because I loved you.

Shame on you. One day you’ll think of me and you’ll be wondering, instead of knowing. 

Dont take good friends for granted, and always try to make a little time for them. You’ll have them for life. Dont get too caught up in this life because at the end of the day what do you really have? A bunch of material things and then what? Good friends are hard to come across and irreplaceable. 

See everything. Extra bright. 

C’ est la vie,

Ashleigh Fallon.