Over this past month, I cant even begin to count how many excuses I have made.. I am very irritated with myself.. Id like to blame my heart for getting me into this internal mess. It always seems as though my heart and mind are at war when it comes to a guy.. And then the conscious me wants to find something good in that person.. And I become super persistent about doing so.. And theres my problem right there! the mere word find. You shouldnt have to find the amazing in someone.. That should be something that is expressed naturally.. Like sunshine..
So when someone becomes non-responsive what do we do? Do we move on? Do we wait until our questions get answered? Or do we just call it quits all together? Whose to say whats the right choice.. I guess it depends on the person and how much they’re willing to continue putting up with.. As for me. I think I may be calling it quits..
I dont expect to be your first priority.. But I also dont expect to be on your back burner and the “oh yeah” thought you have.. and if I dont know by now.. By physically writing this and reading it.. then how will I ever? It doesnt get much more realistic than this.. and that is.. He is not the right one. And to clear things up, I dont mean eternally like I had hopes of getting married.. but hes not Mr. Right Now.. theres too many complicated elements that have gone into all of this..
So, friends yes. Anything else probably not. Someone always feels stronger than the other anyway and this time around it was definitely me.
So all of this said.. I AM going to be 20. I AM going to do things that 2o year olds do. I AM going to take advantage of being young and single and doing all and anything I want without any anchors holding me back. I AM going to start doing for me and not putting people who clearly dont care as much about me as I do for them, before me.
Its my time now.
C’ est la vie,
p.s. Our hearts will always mislead us, and thats why we have intuition. And for all you women, our intuition is the most powerful thing we have, so listen to it.. Its usually right, straight to the point. Our hearts just like to get us into trouble.